The First Steps To Miscarriage Recovery

It’s easy to feel shame and that somehow the miscarriage was your fault. Please don’t go down this path, it will only lead to more heartache and will slow your recovery.  Focus on grieving freely without guilt and understand that miscarriage happens to lots of women and you are not alone.

Some people when faced with a crisis cope by pretending they are fine, choosing to bury their grief and sadness. This unfortunately can cause additional heartache as those sad feelings tend to re surface sooner or later. It is much better to acknowledge your pain and to face it head on.

Comfort Therapy...

• Tea
• Yoga
• Meditation
• Acupuncture
• Warm Baths
• Baking
• Painting
• Essential Oils
• Hope

Hurtful Comments

Some people simply don’t know how to imagine what you are going through. They find it easier to put on a hard or tough attitude as this is easier for them. The thought of being faced with tears and unpleasant thoughts can be too much.

Some medical professionals can also sadly be abrupt or careless with their comments. There is a kinder approach when delivering sad news, for example by adding “I’m sorry” and showing empathy. It goes a long way.

Even pregnant women and new mothers (aware of your miscarriage) can be thoughtless without realising it. Complaining about the uncomfortable nature of their pregnancy or gushing over their newborn, can be confronting for both men and women and especially so for those who have been trying for a while to have a baby. To hear someone complaining about something you would happily trade for or to see something you are too scared to even dream about can be crushing.

What Not To Say To Someone Who Has Had A Miscarriage

• Stop Crying
• It wasn’t meant to be
• Nature takes care of errors
• It’s not the end of the world
• You didn’t know carry the baby to term, you shouldn’t be upset

Additional Disappointment

When People Don't Know How To Deal With Your Grief

Sometimes in a crisis it can be disappointing to discover that some people can have limited capacity to offer support. Instead of rallying to support you and your partner they usually don’t know what to say. They find it too confronting to face you and tend to retreat when you need them most.

These people can be family members, close friends or colleagues, whom you may have expected more from. It is important not to allow their reaction add to your grief. If you dwell on this additional disappointment, it can add to your suffering and take longer to heal.

It can be hard not to take it personally, but sometimes people just don’t know how to deal with feelings and emotions, or may have limited life experience to draw from. Others think it’s kinder not to bring up the painful event, or may not know how to broach the subject. They may still feel empathy for you, but don’t know how to show it or express it.

Accept this is who they are, as hard as it may be and focus on the compassionate people who come forward to support you. It can be surprising who offers you comfort when you and your partner are struggling.   

Worth Remembering...

• The kindness of kindred souls who offer a shoulder, a hug or a cup of tea and a chat, can outweigh the disappointment of those who may be lacking in this quality.

Providing Support

Sometimes people will only mention the miscarriage soon after it has happened and then retreat, thinking they’ve done their bit. It can take many months to grieve and part of the healing process is ongoing support. Knowing that support is available can be invaluable to someone’s miscarriage recovery. Providing support doesn’t mean you have the responsibility of cheering them up. Most of the time simply listening can go a long way and is enough.

How You Can Help Someone Suffering From Grief ...

• Ask them how they are often
• Offer to do a grocery run
• Offer support to their partner
• Run an errand
• Let them know you care
• Don’t hide pregnancy news because you think it’s kinder, it will only make her feel more alienated

Taking Time Out

Baby showers, christenings and first birthday parties can be hard. Usually they are the last thing you want to be reminded of at this vulnerable time. Celebrating other people’s babies can make you feel like you have failed and be a painful reminder of what you have lost.

Yes it hurts seeing yet another pregnant woman in the street. Yes it hurts seeing another new born baby. Yes it hurts attending another baby shower. So don’t! If being around babies is too much to handle right now, learn to say no. Those who love you will understand.

Try to look for women in the street who aren’t pregnant. It’s a great distraction from all those protruding bellies and may surprise you as to how many non pregnant women are out there. 

Important...

• Look after yourself; visit your GP to keep your health on track
• Yoga, Meditation, Acupuncture and a Naturopath may be of benefit in your miscarriage recovery
• Sleep and rest as much as you can, grief can be a physically draining experience